Maybe.

I once knew a girl who sat apart at the party, down on the floor. She seemed normal, well, as normal as a girl can be, sitting alone at a party. But her eyes told another story. They were sad, really sad. As if she desperately needed someone to tell her everything would be okay. Perphas if I had known what would happen, I would have been that someone. But ,instead, I ignored her. I told myself she would be fine. Everyone around her was ignoring her, so, why shouldn't I? Yes, I know I sound like a total d*ck but that was my reasoning as I, without a backwards glance, went my way.

Later I found myself searching for her. She was still at the same spot, staring right back at me. Her eyes held so much sadness, so much loneliness I wanted to hold her tight in my arms and tell her everything she needed to hear. Because the intensity of my feelings scared me, I just walked away. I wanted to forget those eyes. I wanted to forget her. 

I ran to the bar with the pupose of drinking her face away. And drank I did. I drank until I couldn't see her, until my mind couldn't picture her, until I couldn´t feel my guilt.

It wasn´t until I was in the bathroom throwing up that I remembered her. And it was only because she was there, staring right at me. Her eyes were still sad, but they were now cold, so very, very, cold. It wasn´t until someone screamed that I managed to look away.

"Call 911!," someone shouted. In seconds she was surrounded. It desgusted me, how only now did they pay attention to her. Where were they when she lived? Where were they when she needed someone? But, most importantly, where was I? Maybe if I hadn't walked away things would have gone differently. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this guilt, who is slowly eating me alive. Maybe, just maybe, but I guess we'll never know.

-C